Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
