He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
