I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
