Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
