do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
