Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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