i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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