I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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