i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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