Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
