I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
