Your mouth is God's brothel.
My cat gives me a boner
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
