Already got asked if we're dating
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
