There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just had sex bonerless
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
