Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
