Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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