____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
