last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize