They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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