I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
