yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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