It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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