I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
