he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
