too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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