In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
