I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
