Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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