dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
