ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
