dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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