Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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