They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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