I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
