He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
