one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
