if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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