My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
