I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Are we still banned from the library?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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