I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
