So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize