i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
