Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
