yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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