were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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