I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
