I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize