I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
