Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
