Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
