I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
