dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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