he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Alive.
So much puke
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
