im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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