were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
