and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
