What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This is the high leading the old right now
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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