If i come over, it means nothing
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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