It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
