That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
