He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize