i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
