Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
