I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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