dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize