Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
