you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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