just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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