i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
