just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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