Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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