dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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