Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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