After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
