how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
