it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
