You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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