Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
