and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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