WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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