Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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