I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
