Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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