spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
