grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize