trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
