i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
