I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
