Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
