It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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