Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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