I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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