i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
