Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
