either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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