I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
