i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
