You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
