Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
