We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize