ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
