So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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