Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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