Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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