so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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