NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
