i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
