So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
