This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
