I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
