what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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