i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
