I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
