nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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