Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
